NEED FEEDBACK AND UNDERSTANDING

GREETINGS EVERYONE, I DON'T KNOW IF THIS REALLY FALLS UNDER THE NEED FOR PRAYERS, BUT I AM IN A DEEP QUANDRY TODAY, LAST NIGHT I TUNED INTO A PHONE CONFERENCE WITH A MINISTER AND A PROPHETESS WHO TOLD ME I HAD FALLEN OUT OF LOVE WITH GOD, AND I NEEDED TO RETURN TO MY FIRST LOVE I EXPLAINED HOW I WAS LONELY HAD NO ONE, LIVED ALONE I JUST RECENTLY EULOGIZED MY MOTHER WHO NEVER LOVED ME, ABUSED ME , TOLD ME MANY, MANY TIMES HOW SHE WOULD MUCH RATHER SOMEONE ELSE TO BE HER CHILD INSTEAD OF ME, MADE IT HER LIFES WORK TO MAKE ME AS MISERABLE AS SHE COULD, I HAVE GONE THROUGH MUCHHEARTBREAK AND HEARTACHE, I HAD TO GO THROUGH THE MURDER OF MY DAUGHTER MY SON TAKEN AWAY, HAVE NOT SEEN HIM IN 13 YEARS, AT A YOUNG AGE I WAS SAVED HAVE TURNED MY WHOLE LIFE AROUND FOR GOD DON'T PARTY, DON'T DRINK. DON'T SMOKE DON'T DO DRUGS DON'T DATE, I SIT HOME AND CRY I HAVE NOTHING AND NO ONE IN MY LIFE, SOMETIMES I AM SO LONELY I WANT TO COMMITT SUICIDE, NO ONE VISITS, NO ONE CALLS, I DON'T HAVE NO ONE TO CALL MOST CHRISTIANS NUMBERS ARE PRIVATE OR UNLISTED THEY ON;Y PRETEND TO LOVE YOU WHEN YOU GO TO CHURCH I HAVE STOPPED GOING TO CHURCH CAN'T STAND FAKE OR PRETEND LOVE, IF I LOVE YOU I AM GENUINE, I DON'T DO CLIQUES, AND IF YOU NOT IN THE CLIQUE AT MOST CHURCHES HERE AND RICH YOU ARE NOBODY, TODAY I AM JUST AT A LOSS, DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR WHERE TO TURN I PRAY, I READ MY WORD AND FEEL IN MY HEART THAT GOD DOESN'T LOVE ME , BECAUSE I AM IN THIS WHEELCHAIR AND OVERWEIGHT, NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT THIS WEIGHT I HAVE TRIED AND TRIED AND TRIED DON'T SIT AND EAT DIABETIC SO I CAN HARDLY HAVE NOTHING I DO HEALTHY FOODS ONLY, PLENTY OF WATER DOCTORS SAY THAT IS WHAT MY WEIGHT IS RETAINED WATER BUT CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT WATER, PLUS MEDICATIONS THAT DO CAUSE WEITH GAIN THAT I NEED, I LIVE A HOLY LIFE WITH LOW SELF IMAGE, LOW SELF ESTEEM, MY LIFE HURTS, AND THE DEPRESSION IS OVERWHELMING I HAVE TRIED COUNSELING THEY ARE ONLY INTERESTED IN MONEY AND I PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY PRAY, IT GETS REDUNDANT BECAUSE I FEEL AS IF I AM SPEAKING TO THE WALLS ONLY, AT THIS POINT I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO , I WISH SOMEONE WOULD HELP ME I HAVE NO ONE TO ADVICE ME, HELP ME OR NOTHING I FEEL AS IF MY CALL MYSELF LIVING FOR GOD IS AND HAS BEEN ALL FOR NOTHING TO BE TOLD I HAVE FALLEN OUT OF LOVE WITH HIM AND I NEED TO RETURN TO MY FIRST LOVE, I HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH STILL GOING THROUGH I LIVE IN A CONSTANT VALLEY UNDER A DEEP DARK CLOUD OF DESPAIR, HATE, ANGER, CONFUSION AND NO LOVE FROM ANYWHERE. WHAT CAN I DO?I AM AT A DELICATE STATE RIGHT NOW PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT BE HARSH I CAN'T TAKE IT, LIVING WITHOUT A MOTHERS LOVE NO FATHER, MY BELOVED GRANDPARENTS TAKEN AWAY TOO SOON MY CHILDREN TAKEN AWAY GRANDCHILDREN IT IS SO MUCH ON MY PLATE IT IS OVERFLOWING, I GOT TOO MUCH CAN'T HANDLE ALL THIS, THIS IS NOT EVEN HALF OF WHAT I CARRY, SO CALLED TWO COUSINS IN MY LIFE WE DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER AND THEY MAKE IT THEIR LIFES WORK TO HURT ME IN ANY WAY THEY CAN I DON'T BOTHER THEM OR CALL THEM OR ASK THEM FOR NOTHING WE SHARE THIS HOME BECAUSE IT IS A FAMILY HOME, EVEN THOUGH THEY LIVE ELSEWHERE THEY MAKE IT THEIR BUSINESS TO INFLICT THEIR PRESENCE UPON ME JUST TO BE VINDICTIVE, I CAN'T AFFORD TO MOVE WISH I COULD BUT IT IS MY INHERITANCE TOO, THEY ARE JUST TWO THORNS IN MY SIDE THAT ARE FESTERING AND MAKE MY LIFE MISERABLE, BECAUSE OF MY MOTHER AND THE WAY SHE HAS ALWAYS LOVED HIM A DRUG ABUSING ALCOHOLIC NOTHING CAME DOWN SHE TOOK POWRR OF ATTORNEY AND HER INSURANCE AWAY FROM ME GAVE IT TO HIM, NOT TO HELP BUT TO HURT ME, BECAUSE SHE WAS MAD AND HATED ME HER ONLY CHILD SHE EVEN TOOK THE MONEY MY STEPDAD LEFT ME FOR MY COLLEGE EDUCATION GAVE IT TO THAT CREEP TOLD ME I WAS TOO FAT AND STUPID TO GO TO COLLEGE, I AM HURTING I HAVE ALWAYS HUMBLED MYSELF BEFORE GOD, ALWAYS PRAYED TO HIM SERVED HIM. I DON'T HAVE NOBODY I HURT SO BADLY WHY, WHY? WHY DOES HE HATE ME SO MUCH WHAT HAVE I DONE? EVEN WHEN I PRAY NEVER TALKS TO ME, I NEVER HURT NO ONE I BEEN A COWARD A BOOK WORM MY WHOLE LIFE MY MOTHER MADE IT CLEAR TO ME NOBODY WAS EVER GOING TO LOVE ME OR WANT ME BECAUSE I WAS FAT AND STUPID, AND UGLY, I STILL LIVE WITH ALL THAT NOW TO END UP ALONE AND LONELY  IT IS MORE THAN I CAN TAKE I NEED ADVICE , I HAVE PRAYED AND PRAYED ABOUT IT, WHAT MORE CAN I DO AND THERE IS NO PLACE HERE TO GO NO NICE SOCIAL PLACES THE CHURCES DON'T EVEN DO ANYTHING ESPECIALLY FOR THE DISABLED WE ARE JUST FORGOTTEN THROWN AWAY WE NOT PERFECT BUT THEY ARE, NOT RICH EITHER I AM BARELY MAKING IT, I KNOW THIS IS LONG BUT I HAVE NO ONE ELSE, NO ONE HEAR WILL LISTEN OR EVEN CARE SO INVOLVED IN THEMSELVES THEY CAN'T HELP OR CARE FOR ANYONE ELSE. I NEED A PRAYER PARTNER SOMEONE TO TALK TO I DON'T HAVE NOBODY, CAN'T EVEN SEE MY OWN CHILDREN WON'T SOMEONE HELP PLEASE? WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO GET GOD TO LOVE ME WHEN YOU CAN'T MAKE GOD DO ANYTHING IT IS HIS CHOICE, HE DOES NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING HE DID THAT WHEN HE WENT TO CALVERY, I CAN NEVER REPAY THAT ALL I CAN DO IS BE HUMBLE AND BE GRATEFUL AND SAY THANK YOU, DAILY I LIVE HUMBLE AND THANKFUL JUST TO WAKE UP EVERYDAY BECAUSE NOTHING IS PROMISED AND YOU CAN NOT TAKE NOTHING FOR GRANTED NOTHING! AND I DO NOT, WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH ME? WHAT AM I DOING SO WRONG? WHY WOULD SOMEONE PROPHECY THAT TO ME? COULD SOMEONE EXPLAIN PLEASE AND BE NICE, FOR CHRIST SAKE CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE UNKINDNESS AND ABUSE CAN'T HANDKE IT.