You were thinking things were going good, maybe too good, and then you went into a place where you have been before, expecting something really bad to happen. That was a pattern in your life when you were a child. Your mind may not remember all that happened, but your little heart took note. You have repeated this pattern time and time again. I know you have pronounced forgiveness on those who caused this, but do it again. When the pattern starts forgive again. I told Peter to do it 7 x 70. When your thinking turns sad or angry, forgive again and this will soon go away. I love you.
Matthew 18:21-22 “Then Peter came up to Him and said, Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? [As many as] up to seven times? Jesus answered him, I tell you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven!” Bev Robinson
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