blessed by my lord .

well i hope i can poor out my heart today.let me say this my lord is the one who keeps me going.thank you father.im a mother who is going out of my mind im married to a man who is so great but one thing is the drug deamon got his heart but we keep going on in life im in poor heath and never was happy in life at all i dont even now who i am but anyway i was blessed with a child in 1996 anyway theres were i though i would never let nothing get me down i found out that i have cancer from my mom who i didnt no she left me with my dad so anyway he was so mean to me and abused me in everyway he could so i didnt no what to do so i left homeat the age of 17 anyway my dauther rosetta and i was so happy and than all hell broke loose my dauther who was my angel went bad on me and i was so lost she had everthing that i could give and pervide for her so one day she called me a b.... and i though i should just die and so anyway i told her this god will get you for being ugly one day so anyway we didnt talk or even see each other and she is my life so i could do anything at all i lost my mind so i keep asking the lord were did i go wrong and so one day she called me mama i need your help and as a mom good or bad your mama still so anyway she never said sorry for what ive put you through or a hug so the doctors told me that i had less than 3 months to live and so i wanted her to be with me no matter what so it was getting close everyday that i mite never be happy again so i told her eveything never lied to her or anything so i said to her honeygirl mamam wants you to no that i have no one in my life but you and so please ask the lord to take care of you so than my child said to me one day mama thank you for being my mama and everything you did for me was right and i will never be happy in life with out you so than it was time close to me i was getting sick and sicker the doctors said all we can do is make you feel not to much pain as you are in your last days so than i was saying to myself who are you to tell me im dieing anytime now and i had a real bad pain in my tummy and it stopped and than the doctor said to me what is going on with you your cancer is in remission so we dont know what to do and i said to the doctor who are you to me and my dauther throug this stuff you are not god so anyway my 47th bithday was there and the gave till my birthday and i was so scared of that day a death sentece is what i fill so my dauther said to me on my 47th bithday mama im so sorry 4 calling you a b.... and i never told you sorry for that and mama i love you so much so than everthing was the same but i felt that everyday i didnt think keep on liven your life no matter what the crazy doctors tell you so now its 5 years later and my dauther called me and said mama happy birthday your going to be a grandma and wow i was so happy it put so much life in my heart and so i was doing everthing with my dauther and on clould nine and than it was time she went into labor and never called me to say nothing at all so what did i do now when she called me to tell me that she had the baby i was happy for her and said why do you keep hurting me with names and in and out my life so 2mos afer the baby was born i still didnt see either one i said im not going to let this child that is so blessed to have me as well as her i was so tired of my heat hurting so im watchen t.v. and theres my dauthers name on the news and they were looking for her i had no idea were her baby was or anything so than i get a call saying to me she was in jail so than i said not hurting me anymore so i prayed to the lord for her and my grandbaby who i never even touched her cuz i was tired of being hut so than i prayed to the lord all the time cuz this is real bad for her she never was in jail or anything like that so i got a phone call from her and she told me there giving me 47 years and i flashed my head that 47 years was when they told me i would see it. so i told my dauther no matter what i loved you so much and god bless you and you need to get into your heat and see what is going on in your life your baby will 47 when you see her or touch her so i told her to i cant live another 47 to touch or hug you so get it right you baby was taken from you and its killing you so think about me i was dead before the told me so now being a mama is a blessing so last sunday at our visit she said something to me and openen up her heart and mama you gave me life and you was going to be taken away from me for ever mama please for give me so anyway mama they gave me 180 days instead of 47 yrs and im so thankful to the lord and you.and like i always say a childs day is numbed by the lord so we all are great. i lve the lord.as well.